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Why do people hate their exes?
02-13-2011, 06:39 PM
Post: #1
[Image: love-hate-baby.jpg]


One common occurrence I've noticed in breakups is the inevitable stream of hate that follows. Regardless of whether or not it was a "clean" breakup or not, people tend to force themselves to hate their ex by completely removing themselves from their life even after a "let's be friends" sort of breakup.

I understand there are a variety of reasons behind this but I would like to establish the deep rooted cause for this.

What say you, villains?
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02-13-2011, 06:39 PM
Post: #2
One obvious answer is that people can't stand to be around the person that they recently loved but this is troubling for me because even the "dumper" often chooses to simply avoid the person. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned in the sense that I feel like the only way to get over someone is to start seeing them in a way that you acknowledge it won't happen again. There's a pretty fair chance in any community that you'll wind up seeing the person again. I feel it would be best to be on good terms with them than be forced to ignore them and be like "oh no... it's ________, my ex."
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02-13-2011, 07:06 PM
Post: #3
I don't have my last ex at all. We're still friends and only just that. We can spend time together as much as once a week when we do each other mutual favors and helps one and other out - mostly related to studies. Sometimes we also get together to eat. It was a bit weird at first, we actually did have a clean breakup and neither was actually mad at the other as we broke up for other reasons. We knew to stay out of the tricky business of hooking up again and over time the weirdness goes away.

If it's a clean breakup then I don't see why you should force yourself to hate that person, it doesn't at all do that person justice. When you've spent that much time together and lived through all kinds of things while supporting and taking care of each other then I think that should be recognized for what it is and not just put it away and hid behind some made up reason for you to hate that person.
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02-13-2011, 07:27 PM
Post: #4
Hate is the opposite of love in most people's minds. And the two are very similar in the end. So most people just shift their love to hate in order to burn the emotion off.

I didn't hate my ex-wife at first, but I learned to later due to her actions (she kept my kids from me for a long time and generally tried to make my life hell). I have a couple of exes whom I would look fondly upon running into again. I never hated them at all. One I have run into recently after 20 years. She thought I hated her for breaking it off, but I was just mad for a while about it and then left it.
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02-13-2011, 09:13 PM
Post: #5
My last ex broke up with me and yet every time we talk, they insist on treating me very bitterly as if it was me who broke their heart despite me doing nothing wrong.
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02-13-2011, 10:28 PM
Post: #6
Ive never hated an ex..
i have found it uncomfortable to be around, and since I no longer had a need to see them....i found it easy to not hate since i stopped seeing them all together..

plus usually broke up for a reason, so no need in wanting to be around them anyways..
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02-13-2011, 10:40 PM
Post: #7
My ex had me arrested 3 times before the cops figured out she was playing them to make my life hell and had her kicked out of the country. (Clarification: I was stationed in Japan and My commander had the ability to send any American person under his authority back home if they were detrimental to the mission) Also I'm only allowed to see my daughter once a weekend for 2 hours even though I live 20 hours away so me driving that far for two hours is pretty much pointless. Also she is taking quite a big chunk of change every month in "child support" (yeah right). So yes I really believe my ex wife is pure evil. A vicious life sucking bitch from which there is no escape.
Succubus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus

That being said, she is the only ex I can honestly say I hate. I really wouldn't mind if I got a call one day saying she had been hit by a bus. The others aren't bad most of them were mutual break ups and such. We aren't friends or anything there just isn't any bad blood.
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02-13-2011, 11:55 PM
Post: #8
I don't hate my ex at all, I left for reasons that had nothing to do with her. I was out of work, and couldn't find a job, so I moved back to va to find work, which I did.

I still have strong feelings for her and if she ever decided to move here to be with me, I'd be pretty happy.
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02-14-2011, 12:37 AM
Post: #9
I think most of the time it's due to the reasons relationships explode in the first place. Cheating, lying, abuse and so on - when you go through a bad breakup your feelings for that person change and regardless of how you try to be friends you always end up looking at that person with contempt or some underlying resentment.

I know the original post said regardless of breakup circumstances but it does factor in alot. Some people are far better at doing the friend thing than others - to this day I still either regularly talk to every girl I've ever dated seriously or at least a few times a year and we're all on good terms as far as I know.

Then again you also have to have a girlfriend that trusts you enough to let you have open communication with exes like that and isn't a jealous moron - and right now I do. So that helps alot Laugh
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02-14-2011, 02:46 AM
Post: #10
Quite honestly I stopped hating my ex some time ago. She dumped me on the Xmas Eve and told me she had been seeing another guy for months before. All that after 4 years of being together. Hurt like hell, and that was the reason for me hating her.

I'm a bit more mature right now and do not see the point of hating the girl. As far as I know she's married to the guy she left me with. Good luck with your life Natalie.
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02-14-2011, 05:01 AM
Post: #11
Maybe one day I'll mature enough to stop hating my ex and just have a lack of respect for her or something but for now I'm content in my hate for that vile woman.

On a side note: Gismo your avatar kept changing and I never noticed till now. Thought I had drank some bad water or something kinda freaked me out. Really cool though.
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02-14-2011, 05:59 AM
Post: #12
As it's been mentioned I think the feelings you have for an ex is highly related to the reasons for breaking up and how things play out in the time that follows. If it truly is a clean breakup and shit doesn't get thrown around because of it then chances are you could actually stay friends. However if the breakup is because of a trust issue and feel of betrayal I can't see why you'd even want to try to semi mend it and stay friends.
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02-14-2011, 06:11 AM
Post: #13
(02-14-2011 05:01 AM)Bojangls Wrote:  On a side note: Gismo your avatar kept changing and I never noticed till now. Thought I had drank some bad water or something kinda freaked me out. Really cool though.

Naah, it's just the bad water you had...

Wink
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02-14-2011, 12:19 PM
Post: #14
Sometimes I also think that alot of the reason people break up and the never speak again is that it's easier than having to explain how quickly you moved on if you want a new relationship and there is less guilt involved. Cut and run kind of thing.
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02-14-2011, 06:51 PM
Post: #15
That could be true. Nobody takes rejection very well. A breakup is just that. Someone is being rejected by the other person.
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